Never in a million years did I think I would give birth at home. But when I became pregnant, something changed and suddenly, the thought of being in a hospital, when I had never been in one before, seemed absurd. And when I discovered hypnobirthing...well that was game over for hospital birthing if I could help it.
But I told very few people what I intended. One - because I didn't want to announce my plans and then it all change and everyone say 'I told you so'. Two - because I didn't want to hear what I heard after the birth, which was some very strange assumptions about home births...
1. It's all candles and incense
I did have candles and low lighting. I did have aromatherapy oil burning. I believe that both helped raise my levels of oxytocin and kept me calm as my contractions intensified. But, it is not all about the romantic ideal of birth. There was no 'oops there she is' as she arrived. It was powerful and primal and raw. And I had a catheter on my sofa. But, I felt completely safe because I was in my little sanctuary.
2. I'm a hippy
Label me as you want, but I wouldn't class myself as a hippy in the slightest. I have a friend who lives by the sea and does yoga everyday and saves water and uses reusable nappies. I really wish I was that good. I wasn't going for an 'alternative' birth. I just wanted to feel as comfortable and as empowered as I possibly could.
3. I am endangering my baby
In the UK, home births are just as safe as hospital births. This is mainly because we have an NHS that provides fully-trained and highly competent midwifes to be with us, if we wish to be at home to birth. The same (if not better) care if provided at home with two dedicated midwives present at all times. Plus, I felt comfortable for the whole process. My fear was to end up in a car, car park or hospital entrance, and for the adrenaline to kick in so I seized up. There is evidence to suggest that intervention rates are higher in hospitals. For me, that was something I wanted to avoid if I could.
4. I was unprepared for emergencies
The midwives were there, focused entirely on me. Routine examinations were carried out with my consent. They brought all necessary equipment with them in case of emergencies, and were able to call an ambulance at any sign of concern. Thankfully, there was no need for either, but in the vast majority of cases (whether at home or hospital), that is the norm.
5. It's not clean
This is a bizarre one. I can't work out if people are referring to the state of my house, or the mess they envisage from a home birth. My house is very clean, thank you very much. As is my body which was the residence of my baby for nine months, I like to think of my house as an extension of that - my microbiome. If we're talking about the mess caused, it was minimal but we did need towels and sheets down, and there was a bit of tidying up afterwards. But, the midwives took most of the chaos away with them. And despite my concenrs about the carpet, there was no damage caused.
6. I think my birth is more 'natural' than a hospital birth
See previous post. Yes, I felt positive about my birth, but so I should, and so should millions of other women. That doesn't mean I have ever compared it to anyone else's because no two births will ever be the same. From the length of labour, to the order of events, to the location, to the methods of coping...It doesn't matter how it happens as long as YOU did the right thing for you.
7. I would have done whatever I can to NOT go to hospital
As with no.4, I am not naive. But I liked to think I had worked really hard on being in tune with my body and my baby. I used my instinct, like any mammal would to protect their baby. Plus, I had complete trust in the midwives who helped me. I know that if it had been necessary, I would have done anything. I would have made informed decisions, because of the hypnobirthing I had done.
8. I am just freeing up a hospital bed
There are some cynics I have read who think that homebirths are dangerous and the NHS is simply encouraging women to stay at home to allow more space in hospitals. Two issues I have with that. Firstly, if a woman needs a bed, they have access to it no matter what. There is nobody encouraging women to stay at home against their will. I didn't need a bed, so I was more than happy to let someone else have it.
Secondly, the NICE recommendations have solid research behind them. This is not a money-saving exercise, it is about choice. Thankfully, we live in a country that has excellent antenatal and postnatal care (compared to some countries) and we are able to make choices about where to give birth, because we have access to everything we need, whether that be at home or hospital.
9. It's old-fashioned
300 years ago, women all gave birth at home. Then, medical advancements meant it was deemed safer for doctors to be involved. Now, we are at a point where midwives are medically trained, and doctors aren't always required, but they often still are. There are no doctors at home. That doesn't mean it's an old-fashioned way of doing things. It just means that we are now so developed as a society that we can have the option to safely birth at home with all the support we need.
10. I was naive to think I wouldn't need any pain relief
First off, pain is totally subjective, so again, comparisons to another woman's birth experience are impossible. Some women, especially hypnobirthing mums, will not feel pain. So let's work on that premise. Secondly, I believe that my 'pain' relief was the oxytocin that was streaming through my body and the complete relaxation I felt. I wasn't fighting against the feelings, I was going with them. It was easier, and possibly, less 'painful' than if I'd been doing it any other way. There was gas and air available, but knowing that there was a limited amount meant that I had to get on with it. I knew that if I was going to do it, I wanted to go as far as I could without drugs. I wanted control.
This is not a post to try and persuade anyone that home births are any better than any other birth. Far from it. Everyone does what is right for them. It doesn't make their choice better or worse. No two births are the same. It is just to give an insight into the assumptions I heard and my reactions.
If you are reading this, you might be considering a home birth. If you are, do what is right for YOU. Instinctively and without fear. And not because you think you SHOULD do something. Or because someone else says it's the right thing to do. What is fundamentally important, is to aim to feel empowered and positive about the choices you make, and hopefully, this will then continue into parenthood. Don't accept anything less.
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