#Birth: Kirsty's story

So happy to share Kirsty's story with you. This is the story of two births, and the difference that hypnobirthing can make. Woop!

Start your own hypnobirthing story here: www.birthstory.co.uk

My first pregnancy was a surprise and as I result I couldn't quite manage to mentally prepare for having a child, forget childbirth itself. Whilst I had planned a homebirth, after 24 hours at home of contractions, smelling lavender oil in a mild panic, I was 'failing to progress' and persuaded to go into hospital. In the early hours of the morning the catalogue of interventions began... Initially codeine was suggested, and after a period of being neglected on a foetal heart monitor, it escalated to panic, pethadine, epidural, episiotomy and ventouse... What I can only describe as a 40 hour car crash ordeal. I vividly remember seeing the scratches I'd made on my poor husband's supporting arms, and the sobbing...in agony, fear and disappointment all at once. My son was born and taken immediately away, whilst I watched the pediatrition bounce his little sobbing body around the room. Staying there overnight without my partner, with my poor babe stuck in a plastic cot, crying babies all around us, was not the experience I had hoped for.

When I became pregnant with my daughter two years later I could still remember my first birth vividly... staggering about in shock for weeks after, sobbing when I met friends and they asked how it had all went. So I started researching and went to a birthing yoga class, where they mentioned hypnobirthing. My midwife was keen for me to try another homebirth and kept saying it would be quicker this time. My body would remember what to do. But I didn't want to chance it again. So at 20 weeks I took the plunge and started on the course. It felt silly listening to the guided relaxations at first, especially with my husband next to me in bed sniggering as I dutifully tried to relax and visualise colours and butterflies. But after a couple of nights listening as I drifted off, I was hooked, and the book went everywhere with me. The combination of hypnobirthing and my yoga had not only informed me of my options, but I had practised the breathing and mental techniques so carefully. I was more confident than ever.

Remembering the night my daughter was born is like a dream. The comparison between the two labours is like night and day. After a day wandering round our local park feeling like I had mild backache, I climbed into bed a bit weary, and with the peace and still around me it suddenly occurred to me the pains were coming and going. Surely not contractions?! Excitement was rising but I did my breathing and visualisations, thinking through my positive affirmations in my head and knowing I needed to pace myself. But half an hour later I was chuckling in bemusement as my waters broke, and after an hour of contraction after contraction, the midwife arrived and told me I was 9cm dilated and nearly ready to push! After a couple of hours zoned out in the hastily inflated birthing pool, I'd not had time for any pain relief or panicking, and she was born. A calm and focused 4 hours and I was lifting my 9lb baby out of the water and into my arms! She fed instantly before snuggling into my bed, a calm and happy newborn.

I can't recommend hypnobirthing more highly. Occasionally now I replay my relaxation tracks and travel back in time to that wonderful time of feeling huge and pregnant, but happy and healthy. I hope more mothers come to know that the medicalised hospital ordeal is not what we were designed for. The peace and safety of home, with a focused mind and relaxed body, can make a world of difference.  It's a joy to have had the birth I always knew I could.

#Birth: Teaching the hypnobirthing

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Having completed an incredible hypnobirthing teaching diploma with hypnobirthing Yoda, Katharine Graves, Birth Story Hypnobirthing is now up and running.

To say I learnt a lot on the teacher training is an understatement. In just the same way that hypnobirthing gave me the tools and mindset to guide me calmly and peacefully through birth, this training has had a similar effect. It has been a game changer.

I know this is going to change things, but I'm not entirely sure how yet and I'm not entirely sure it's going to happen straight away. But I really feel like this is the start of something a little bit special. I can't wait to enable other women to give birth calmly and with confidence.

So, why am I here? Why do I feel so strongly that teaching hypnobirthing to other women and their birth partners is such an important thing to do?

1. It's a little bit revolutionary

I was so chuffed to discover that out of the 25 or so attendees on the teacher training course, around 18-19 were midwives, and a large number of those were student midwives. 
Now, we are privileged to have an amazingly strong midwifery community in this country, and to be leading the way in so many areas of research. To see that number of attendees validates the power of the course. It validates my belief that hypnobirthing really has something to offer. More than that, it has the potential to be revolutionary in the way we view and react to birth. 

2. It worked for me and people I know
I have no background in meditation or yoga. The thought of spending time to purely relax sounded boring. The first time I sat down to focus on the birth I wanted, I couldn't stop the cynic in the back of my mind. But, over time, it started to make sense. And it completely paid off. I had a wonderfully empowering and relaxing birth, just like the many I had seen on youtube. There are so many positive birth stories I've come across since. Maybe a little bit boring; not a lot of drama or blue flashing lights, but undoubtedly positive.
I truly believe that if I can do it, so can every other woman.

3. It is easy

That's not something you hear very often when it comes to birth!! BUT it requires some regular effort. It is easy in that it is simple to practice and train yourself. All it requires is a little bit of time and the ability to close your eyes, listen and breathe. There are also a range of small things that can be done before and during the birth to make a huge difference. But the preparation is key. Just a little bit a day. 10-15 minutes. But it is vital. And such a good opportunity to give you and your birth partner some time out.

4. It gives you skills for life
Every time I feel stressed, I know that if I practice my 'up' breathing, I will feel so much better. Every time I need to block out the world, I can turn down a dial to completely zone myself out. Every time I struggle to fall asleep, I listen to a relaxation script, and before I know it...zzzzz. Hypnobirthing skills are not just for birth, they are for life. As you enter the crazy world of parenthood (or if you're there already), you will have the tools to help you manage every step of the way.

5. It makes you feel so good
Oxytocin. The love hormone. The hormone that facilitates birth. It makes you feel good. Everything in hypnobirthing is designed to encourage the production of oxytocin and make you feel amazing. Relaxations, lovely smells, light massage by your partner, being told how strong and wonderful you are. Every session is like a lovely trip to the soul spa. You should come out feeling radiant and confident. 

6.  It gives birth partners a key role
I've written about this before, but for many, watching their loved one give birth can be scary. Their instinct is saying 'protect' but they don't know what to do, where to stand, what to say. They might feel completely dis-empowered, helpless. My hypnobirthing course gives birth partners a clear role to play, in the lead up to, and during labour. No more flapping!

7. It gives you the knowledge
One of the most significant parts of KG Hypnobirthing is the knowledge you will gain about the physiology of birth, the protocols and procedures, and your rights. No more 'they can do what they want to me' or 'I'm not allowed to do that'. This is about you and your baby. You make the decisions. You can have the birth you want to. No more fear! You will feel empowered to work together your baby and your care providers, and calmly handle whatever nature throws your way. Because you, my dear, are a birthing goddess. Yes you are. 

8. It is for everyone
Hypnobirthing is not prescriptive about HOW you give birth. All I want is for you to have a birth experience that is as relaxing and empowering as it can be. That you can go into birth with knowledge and power, and with the confidence to make decisions that are right for you and your baby. C-sections, VBACs, vaginal births, water births, assisted, non-assisted, hospital, home, MLU, first child, tenth child...nobody is exempt from experiencing a positive birth. Whatever you decide is right, is right. Hypnobirthing can help with all of these scenarios. Trust me, it's a game-changer.    If you want to find out more about what I can offer you, please visit the Birth Story website: www.birthstory.co.uk or email me: relaxingbirth@googlemail.com

#Birth: Re-programming the language of birth

Push!!! PUSH!!!!!

The TV image of birth always involves this phrase, without a doubt. It is probably the most common phrase associated with the dialogue of birth.

What does it conjure in your mind?


The point is that words always conjure up certain imagery. We are programmed to match words with images. Our subconscious collects these images over time, and stores them. If the words are associated with negative images, you may feel anxiety and fear when you hear the word. 
Some obvious examples...spider, ghost, poison. 

But what if we were to re-programme ourselves, using language that conjured up more positive imagery?

The following words are frequently used during birthing. Practitioners of hypnobirthing often suggest that we change the language we use around some of these, and ask care providers and even friends and family, to do the same.
Normal
The breadth of 'normal' is huge. I have heard my birth described as 'normal', which I would agree with, but certainly not compared to another 'abnormal' birth. Just as there are no two humans the same, neither are two births the same. Normal is far from normal. 

Pain
The first thought that pops into everyone's head when talking about birth is PAIN. The first question I was asked by some of my 15 year old students afterwards was 'oh my god miss, was it REALLY painful???'. Well, the theory behind hypnobirthing is that 95% of pain in labour is actually as a result of fear and tension. And then, we become scared of labour, which leads to more pain. A vicious cycle that we need to break. Many hypnobirthing mums report little to no pain. Others suggest that self-hypnosis and relaxation actually enables you to manage the pain. Is it even pain at all, or is it something completely different? However we come to view it, will inevitably start with our preconceptions of it. 

Contractions
The biggie - the feeling we wait for, but with no idea how it will feel. Contractions suggest 'tightening', whereas the aim of effective birthing is to relax and release muscles. On my 'birth preferences', I asked the midwives to refer to 'surges'. In the weeks before, I also talked about the 'surges' (and sometimes the 'waves') I was expecting to have. As a result, when they came, I automatically visualised powerful waves hitting the shore. It wasn't planned, it was just something that kicked in. Applying softer language to this vital process allows a more positive, calmer approach as the feelings begin.

Failure
Most commonly during labour, the term 'failure' might be used as part of the phrase 'failure to progress' (or, medically known as, dystocia). 35% of cesareans are due to this diagnosis. The definition is:

'difficult birth, typically caused by a large or awkwardly positioned fetus, by smallness of the maternal pelvis, or by failure of the uterus and cervix to contract and expand normally'

The word failure has HUGE implications, suggesting that you are either giving birth to a baby that is too big for you, or that your body is not working properly. Well, as we know, neither of these can possibly be true. Fact. And, jeez, as if you need to be doused with guilt on top of all the other emotions swimming through your body! 
In fact, the term is a blanket statement that was coined in 1953, and in fact, could refer to a number of variations of birth, including the mothers' energy levels, the position of the baby, the varying levels of adrenaline/oxytocin, which could be affected by the mother's emotional state, hospital policies (that might encourage immobility for routine monitoring), medications used, induction...the list is endless. Again, this highlights the variety of possibilities during birth. Applying a blanket statement undermines the unique nature of birth, and perhaps highlights a 'failure' in the system to identify the true story behind and, possibly, just wait.

Natural
I've written about this term before...I hate it. It suggests anything else is 'artificial'. And this follows into nurturing your child and the term 'artificial feeding' - a term I also detest. No matter the way that birth occurred, it derives from nature. Humans derive from nature. Humans have ensured that everyone can give birth, no matter what the circumstances. Humans have ensured that everyone can make decisions around the best birth for them. The key is understanding what is involved in birthing, and making those decisions with knowledge and evidence. 

Hypnobirthing is a bit like running a virus scan on your subconscious, finding corrupt or out-of-date views and re-programming them so they don't become harmful to you. For many, language can become harmful if left to eat away and create anxiety. But, as with everything in Hypnobirthing, it is not about someone else identifying the fears you have. It can only begin with the person who knows you best - you. 

It is possible to re-programme your subconscious through hypnobirthing. I am hoping to start a training programme in Hertfordshire over the coming months. To find out more before then, visit The Hypnobirthing Association.

#Birth: Celebrating the birthing superwomen

When I asked my lovely mummy friends what they thought was missing from social media on pregnancy and birth, they agreed that there was very little on celebrating any birth that wasn't 'natural'.

I hate that term. It suggests that any other way of getting birth is not 'natural'. The reality is that growing and having a baby is natural. The end. 

Thankfully, we are in  a world where technology means that we can have safe births for all. No matter what happens before conception, no matter what happens before or during labour. It is still possible, in the vast majority of cases, to ensure a completely safe delivery. 

What winds me up though, is the massive amounts of negativity around birth. I talk a lot about guilt, and there seems to be so much guilt around the type of birth that people have. The way that some women feel as if their bodies didn't quite work the way they were supposed to, or the distress they felt during labour, or the regret that things could have been different, or the fear of what could go wrong. It's almost a bit embarrassing to say, 'yeah, it was a great day - I'm really proud of myself'. 

'A society that places a low value on mothers and the process of birth will suffer an array of negative repercussions for doing so' (Ina May Gaskin)

We all know that giving birth is not an easy task, no matter what path it takes. We will feel, what we describe as pain. And everyone will experience and react to that differently. Getting through that could be an epic achievement for some. And for some, the after effects could be a reminder of the power needed to get through such an immense experience. For some, the choices around pain relief will be invaluable. We have options as women to decide how to manage birthing and we should be proud of the decisions we make. For others, there are doctors who will assist in bringing our babies into the world, or even saving our bacon when the going gets seriously tough. How incredible that we can say that is possible!

And what amazing, powerful warrior women we are to get through such life changing experiences and bring forth little bundles of actual human life!

Now, hypnobirthing is often tightly associated with 'natural' births, but that is a complete misinterpretation of the term. Hypnobirthing is not about a pain-free labour. It is not about excluding any type of medical intervention at all costs. It is not about creating and sticking to a 'perfect' image of birthing that cannot be swayed from. We must remember that birth is often raw and primal. Birth can get incredibly messy and does not fit into a neat, tidy picture. It is not organised and there are no tick-lists that can be easily checked, no matter what plans we believe we have.

What hypnobirthing does teach is positivity. It teaches to accept the right birth on the right day for you. No matter how that birth occurs. No matter what path nature decides to take on that day. It teaches you to listen to your body and your baby, and respond accordingly. To go with the flow (even if it isn't your character - I am proof of that!) Not just during labour but in the weeks and months leading up to it. It teaches you to release all fear.

And that's the biggie. Release all fears. Why the hell do we have so much fear about something that should bring so much joy? Something that, no matter how it happens, should be celebrated. It is the most powerful, life-changing, life-affirming, epic thing we will ever do as women. 

So, let's stand up as a sisterhood, and be proud of our births! Screw the guilt and the anxiety and the disappointment. You deserve so much more for everything you went through and for the results you achieved. Instead of the horror stories, why don't we flood the conversations we have with our stories of pride, happiness, joy and strength, as we persevered and became the birthing superwomen we are

#Pregnancy: releasing the anxiety

During the last month of pregnancy, my husband commented that he had never known me so chilled in the ten years he had known me. 

I am not one of those chilled horizontal types.

In fact, I have been referred to as 'safety Katie' because of how careful I am; how aware of danger. Like walking on a small wall danger. I am the epitome of risk society. I consider most things I do against the risks involved. I exaggerate the risks. I'm trying really hard not to let this slip into my parenting too. And so far, through a lot of work on mindfulness and relaxation, I'm slowly getting to a much calmer state. Slowly slowly. 

But during late pregnancy, and during birth, I was one cool cat. Why? 

Well, it goes back to the mindfulness thing. And a lot of dedication to hypnobirthing. 

But, when I found out I was pregnant, my first reaction was not excitement or glee. Despite it being planned, I responded to the very faint line in my hand with tears and hyperventilation, repeating 'I can't do it, I can't do it'. To which my husband just laughed, hugged me and whispered 'of COURSE you can'. And, although I hate to admit it, of course he was right. 

And for the first few months, I was terrified. Terrified about the first scan. And the second. Terrified about what I should and shouldn't eat or do or say. Terrified that any minute, something would go wrong. 

Fast forward to 25 weeks and I stumbled across hypnobirthing. I knew that I had to get my head into gear. I had to start preparing for the biggest event of my life. 

And from that moment on, everything changed. Every day, I practiced a little more relaxation. Every day, I listened to my affirmations in the car. Every day, I focused on my baby and me and the birth journey I hoped for. No matter who you are, whatever your disposition, I truly honestly believe that hypnobirthing works if you want it to. You can have a positive birth. The right birth, on the right day, for you. 

I wish I had known what I know now, that a calm birth is possible and that relaxing parenting is something you can work towards. And that there is no point worrying about the things you can do nothing about. You can only control your responses. 

In those early weeks of pregnancy, I would do certain things differently. Here are the five things I promise to do next time round (please God) in those first few scary Mary months: 

1. Create affirmations for early/mid pregnancy

I felt like a wally the first few times I played and repeated the hypnobirthing affirmations from Suzy Ashworth. But, the more I repeated them, the more I truly believed in them. There is so much power in words. My affirmations in early pregnancy will focus on safety, calmness and resilience.... 'I enjoy the first few weeks with my baby'... 'I ease myself into pregnancy'... 'I prepare my body and mind for the months ahead'... 'I am healthy and strong'.

2. Take time every day for me
Towards the end of pregnancy, I had baths every day with lovely Neal's Yard bath oil. My husband massaged my feet. I went for long walks to try and loosen up my pelvis. I meditated and listened to relaxation MP3s in preparation for the birth. Although I might not have as much time the next time round, I vow to take more time for me in the early days too, because a little baby home needs as much attention and care as a real house.

3. Welcome my feelings and emotions as visitors
One of the things I have been trying to work on is the Buddhist concept of impermanence. Acknowledging that all the feelings and emotions we have are only temporary, and we do not need to hold on to them, because they will soon pass. The longer we hold on to them, the more ingrained they will become on our subconscious. Like the scary birth stories you hear that become part of your beliefs about birth. I will let the emotions arise, acknowledge them and try to let go of them. I have even heard of someone literally welcoming them - 'hello anger!', 'hi there restlessness'. Our feelings are visitors and they will soon leave us in peace, as long as we don't entertain them too long!

4. Take earlier maternity leave
For me, I felt like I was working right to the bitter end. I was physically exhausted, I felt heavy and sweaty and uncomfortable. My job as a teacher didn't get the best of me in those last few months. I sat down to teach lessons and my mind was often elsewhere. If I feel like that again, I will give myself (and everyone else) a break and not try and be some sort of martyr. I promise to know my limits. 

5. Do yoga
Before I learnt about hypnobirthing, this whole world of mindful practice seemed a bit strange and new age-y to me. But the hype is true! Mind and body are interlinked - they are not separate entities. A happy body will fuel a happy mind and vice versa. I still need to make an real effort to practice yoga, but the benefits can be felt immediately. Focus, relaxation, patience, clarity...it develops all of these. And to be able to stretch ligaments and muscles before labour can only be a good thing (see point 4!).

For some people, relaxation is easy. For a lot of us, it is hard to switch off from google and the chatter about what could go wrong and what symptoms might mean. It's hard to trust your instinct and, instead, become consumed with fear and anxiety. It's easy to worry and worry about the risks and dangers. And, of course, it's very natural to. But, is it worth the worry? Will it change anything? Next time, I vow to do all of the above to help me in those early days and have a relaxing hypno-pregnancy :)