I have to push out a melon baby?!

Oh god, this is amazing!! Yay, I wanted this baby so much.......................oh god, the baby has to come out of my fufu. I have to push out a melon baby?! I mean a baby the size of a melon?! Oh shitballs, it's going to hurt. It's going to hurt so much!!! And who was it who said about all the hours of pushing and breaking her husband's hand and then having a c section anyway. Right, think I'll just opt for the c section. Why can't I just do that? Easier surely? But it's big surgery! I don't want a scar. I don't want to be stuck in bed. And I bloody hate hospitals. Always have. They make me feel a bit sick. All smelly and echoey and all those other people. Not that I'm anti social or anything....And the drugs. I don't want to be on drugs!!!!! I'd be crap on drugs. Any medication just makes me feel loopy. Caffeine makes me lose my shiz. Can I drink gin during labour?!?! That might work. But not the drugs. I need control!  I'm even scared of being sick because I'm not in control! And blood tests and injections. I need to know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm doing. I have no idea what is going to happen!! Oh god, what is happening to me? What do I do?? What is going to happen to me?!?! Oh shitty shit shit shit shit.

This was my thought process when I saw those two lovely little lines on the pregnancy test. 

I was pooing my pants and crying hysterically. 

So I wanted to find something that could make a difference. And I was happy to try anything - no matter how alternative.

So trying Hypnobirthing it was to be. 'One of Katie's weirdy beardy ideas again, it won't last' - was what I knew my husband was thinking. But, even with my 'give anything a go' attitude, I still found it a bit...um...hippy!

I didn't get the affirmations. They were a bit self-involved and Oprah Winfrey. The breathing was...well, it was just breathing! It felt nice but, we all know how to breathe! Was this it?? The visualisations were hard to wrap my head round. And my husband and I used to fall asleep to this mellow voice on the MP3s telling us to 'relaaaaax' and we'd just crack up, sniggering like little kids. The classes were okay but I wasn't convinced. And my husband found it all super cringey. 

The only reason we kept doing it was because the logic behind it made so much sense.

Fear = adrenaline = tense muscles = pain.

Calm = oxytocin & endorphins = relaxed muscles = manageable sensations.

And I was gradually becoming more and more relaxed. Like never ever before. From highly strung to cool as a mofo cucumber. And we learnt waaaay more than at the other antenatal class, which made us feel like proper little smug gits. Yep, we were THAT couple. Beyond annoying. 

But we just went with it. Really had a go. Powered through the crazy stuff and just got on with it. And then it stopped feeling weird, and started feeling normal. When I found the Hypnobirthing Book in hubbie's toilet reading collection, I knew we might be on to something. All of a sudden, we were on a mission. 

And then...as if it couldn't get more out there, we booked a homebirth. I know. What the hell?! We hardly told anyone. Even the responses to hypnobirthing had been a bit smug 'oh yeah ok, good luck with that...' *wink at spouse that said 'they have no frikkin idea'*. 

So we kept the homebirth to ourselves. But we cracked on with what we thought, after many hours of deliberation, was the best thing for us.  I wanted safety, comfort and privacy. I wanted oxytocin by the bucketload.

And we did it. 

And it was blimmin magical! I have never felt so proud of myself, so in awe of what my body can do without any involvement from white coats or the Miss Trunchball midwives I imagined (our midwives were super lovely btw). 
I felt so informed about my choices, so happy that my husband could support me and have a clear, useful role to play, so free of fear and self doubt, and so unbelievably STRONG. Like warrior fucking goddess strong! 

And 10 sleepy hours after birth, I turned to my in-laws and said 'I could do it again tomorrow!'. I know, seriously annoying! 

But, this is NOT JUST ME! I emphasise that because one story can make a difference but it is also just one story.
You can google it, you can look around and ask others about hypnobirthing, or you could trust me when I say, I've seen it for many many others. Women who had previous traumatic births. Women who believed it wasn't possible. Women who looked at birth with pure fear. Birth partners who were so nervous that they just went into panic mode and flapped around aimlessly for the first trimester. 

And it changed their entire experience. 

Released fear, built confidence, enabled informed decisions to be made and made birth what it should be, no matter what....BEYOND WORDS INCREDIBLE.

But you have to work a bit. Eek! 

You have to be ready to give over 15 minutes a day to just focus on you and your baby. Ok, sounding better? 

There is a bit of investment involved too, depending on how you want to do it - listen to your favourite band on a CD version (buy the MP3s and listen at home) or go to the concert version (group sesh with dedicated teacher) - that kind of thing. But really, for about a third of the cost of a pram...

And, my oh my, if you do it. If you just go for it. And believe. Really believe. And trust yourself. It is so possible. 

Don't settle for less than beyond words incredible. Feel like a warrior goddess!! Go on, I dare you: www.birthstory.co.uk. Join the women feeling like birthing superstars 👍🌟💪

#Birth: Kirsty's story

So happy to share Kirsty's story with you. This is the story of two births, and the difference that hypnobirthing can make. Woop!

Start your own hypnobirthing story here: www.birthstory.co.uk

My first pregnancy was a surprise and as I result I couldn't quite manage to mentally prepare for having a child, forget childbirth itself. Whilst I had planned a homebirth, after 24 hours at home of contractions, smelling lavender oil in a mild panic, I was 'failing to progress' and persuaded to go into hospital. In the early hours of the morning the catalogue of interventions began... Initially codeine was suggested, and after a period of being neglected on a foetal heart monitor, it escalated to panic, pethadine, epidural, episiotomy and ventouse... What I can only describe as a 40 hour car crash ordeal. I vividly remember seeing the scratches I'd made on my poor husband's supporting arms, and the sobbing...in agony, fear and disappointment all at once. My son was born and taken immediately away, whilst I watched the pediatrition bounce his little sobbing body around the room. Staying there overnight without my partner, with my poor babe stuck in a plastic cot, crying babies all around us, was not the experience I had hoped for.

When I became pregnant with my daughter two years later I could still remember my first birth vividly... staggering about in shock for weeks after, sobbing when I met friends and they asked how it had all went. So I started researching and went to a birthing yoga class, where they mentioned hypnobirthing. My midwife was keen for me to try another homebirth and kept saying it would be quicker this time. My body would remember what to do. But I didn't want to chance it again. So at 20 weeks I took the plunge and started on the course. It felt silly listening to the guided relaxations at first, especially with my husband next to me in bed sniggering as I dutifully tried to relax and visualise colours and butterflies. But after a couple of nights listening as I drifted off, I was hooked, and the book went everywhere with me. The combination of hypnobirthing and my yoga had not only informed me of my options, but I had practised the breathing and mental techniques so carefully. I was more confident than ever.

Remembering the night my daughter was born is like a dream. The comparison between the two labours is like night and day. After a day wandering round our local park feeling like I had mild backache, I climbed into bed a bit weary, and with the peace and still around me it suddenly occurred to me the pains were coming and going. Surely not contractions?! Excitement was rising but I did my breathing and visualisations, thinking through my positive affirmations in my head and knowing I needed to pace myself. But half an hour later I was chuckling in bemusement as my waters broke, and after an hour of contraction after contraction, the midwife arrived and told me I was 9cm dilated and nearly ready to push! After a couple of hours zoned out in the hastily inflated birthing pool, I'd not had time for any pain relief or panicking, and she was born. A calm and focused 4 hours and I was lifting my 9lb baby out of the water and into my arms! She fed instantly before snuggling into my bed, a calm and happy newborn.

I can't recommend hypnobirthing more highly. Occasionally now I replay my relaxation tracks and travel back in time to that wonderful time of feeling huge and pregnant, but happy and healthy. I hope more mothers come to know that the medicalised hospital ordeal is not what we were designed for. The peace and safety of home, with a focused mind and relaxed body, can make a world of difference.  It's a joy to have had the birth I always knew I could.

#Birth: Teaching the hypnobirthing

I 

Having completed an incredible hypnobirthing teaching diploma with hypnobirthing Yoda, Katharine Graves, Birth Story Hypnobirthing is now up and running.

To say I learnt a lot on the teacher training is an understatement. In just the same way that hypnobirthing gave me the tools and mindset to guide me calmly and peacefully through birth, this training has had a similar effect. It has been a game changer.

I know this is going to change things, but I'm not entirely sure how yet and I'm not entirely sure it's going to happen straight away. But I really feel like this is the start of something a little bit special. I can't wait to enable other women to give birth calmly and with confidence.

So, why am I here? Why do I feel so strongly that teaching hypnobirthing to other women and their birth partners is such an important thing to do?

1. It's a little bit revolutionary

I was so chuffed to discover that out of the 25 or so attendees on the teacher training course, around 18-19 were midwives, and a large number of those were student midwives. 
Now, we are privileged to have an amazingly strong midwifery community in this country, and to be leading the way in so many areas of research. To see that number of attendees validates the power of the course. It validates my belief that hypnobirthing really has something to offer. More than that, it has the potential to be revolutionary in the way we view and react to birth. 

2. It worked for me and people I know
I have no background in meditation or yoga. The thought of spending time to purely relax sounded boring. The first time I sat down to focus on the birth I wanted, I couldn't stop the cynic in the back of my mind. But, over time, it started to make sense. And it completely paid off. I had a wonderfully empowering and relaxing birth, just like the many I had seen on youtube. There are so many positive birth stories I've come across since. Maybe a little bit boring; not a lot of drama or blue flashing lights, but undoubtedly positive.
I truly believe that if I can do it, so can every other woman.

3. It is easy

That's not something you hear very often when it comes to birth!! BUT it requires some regular effort. It is easy in that it is simple to practice and train yourself. All it requires is a little bit of time and the ability to close your eyes, listen and breathe. There are also a range of small things that can be done before and during the birth to make a huge difference. But the preparation is key. Just a little bit a day. 10-15 minutes. But it is vital. And such a good opportunity to give you and your birth partner some time out.

4. It gives you skills for life
Every time I feel stressed, I know that if I practice my 'up' breathing, I will feel so much better. Every time I need to block out the world, I can turn down a dial to completely zone myself out. Every time I struggle to fall asleep, I listen to a relaxation script, and before I know it...zzzzz. Hypnobirthing skills are not just for birth, they are for life. As you enter the crazy world of parenthood (or if you're there already), you will have the tools to help you manage every step of the way.

5. It makes you feel so good
Oxytocin. The love hormone. The hormone that facilitates birth. It makes you feel good. Everything in hypnobirthing is designed to encourage the production of oxytocin and make you feel amazing. Relaxations, lovely smells, light massage by your partner, being told how strong and wonderful you are. Every session is like a lovely trip to the soul spa. You should come out feeling radiant and confident. 

6.  It gives birth partners a key role
I've written about this before, but for many, watching their loved one give birth can be scary. Their instinct is saying 'protect' but they don't know what to do, where to stand, what to say. They might feel completely dis-empowered, helpless. My hypnobirthing course gives birth partners a clear role to play, in the lead up to, and during labour. No more flapping!

7. It gives you the knowledge
One of the most significant parts of KG Hypnobirthing is the knowledge you will gain about the physiology of birth, the protocols and procedures, and your rights. No more 'they can do what they want to me' or 'I'm not allowed to do that'. This is about you and your baby. You make the decisions. You can have the birth you want to. No more fear! You will feel empowered to work together your baby and your care providers, and calmly handle whatever nature throws your way. Because you, my dear, are a birthing goddess. Yes you are. 

8. It is for everyone
Hypnobirthing is not prescriptive about HOW you give birth. All I want is for you to have a birth experience that is as relaxing and empowering as it can be. That you can go into birth with knowledge and power, and with the confidence to make decisions that are right for you and your baby. C-sections, VBACs, vaginal births, water births, assisted, non-assisted, hospital, home, MLU, first child, tenth child...nobody is exempt from experiencing a positive birth. Whatever you decide is right, is right. Hypnobirthing can help with all of these scenarios. Trust me, it's a game-changer.    If you want to find out more about what I can offer you, please visit the Birth Story website: www.birthstory.co.uk or email me: relaxingbirth@googlemail.com

#Birth: Ten reasons why Hypnobirthing rocks

Yep, I LOVE hypnobirthing. For me, it was a complete game changer and I tell everyone I can about how wonderful it is. So much so, that I have now trained to be a practitioner through KG Hypnobirthing, with the wonderful Katharine Graves. I want everyone to know how it can help in the most live-changing event of your life. Just sharing the love!

If you're reading this, you are either interested or already converted, so it's unlikely you need much more convincing, but just in case you do, here are ten reasons why hypnobirthing is blimmin marvellous:

1. A role for your birth partner
So many times, I have heard and seen birth partners standing by the bedside having their hand squeezed or shouting 'pugh, push'). Up until the final minutes, they might be a little bit redundant. Responsible for the sandwiches or going for a little walk or sitting and reading a magazine. All while the birthing woman has her contractions and cracks on with the process of labour. With hypnobirthing, there is no getting out of the vital role held by the birth partner. They are crucial in communicating with you, with the care providers, ensuring safe surroundings and ensuring you have everything you need to labour calmly and comfortably (with very little need for any 'push, push').

2. Learning to take time for yourself
There is an emphasis on taking care of the home that you are building for your little one. To build up those oxytocin and relaxin levels (the hormones responsible for effective labour), hypnobirthing practitioners believe that taking time to relax and soothe yourself is one of the most significant things you can do in preparation for your birth. Attending classes will also give you time to focus solely on yourself*

3. Ability to make informed decisions
As a key part of the hypnobirthing course, you will learn about the science and physiology of labour, as well as the different paths that your birthing might take. Good quality courses ensure you are armed with all the possibilities, and an understanding of the system you are going into. You might decide to write some birth preferences, but also have awareness and acceptance that birth is completely natural and nature does not always do what you want it to. Hypnobirthing allows you to make the decisions necessary when the time comes, and remain calm at the same time. 

4. Supporting any type of birth
Hypnobirthing is often associated with 'natural' births and reducing the need for pain relief, but it is equally valuable no matter what path your birthing takes. I wholly believe that practising the techniques can help with any form of birth, as you are encouraged to release fear and anxiety, and have complete belief and confidence in your body and mind. It also enables you to self-hypnotise in order to remain calm and collected, without letting panic take over. 

5. Reducing need for medical intervention and pain relief 
Whilst the above is true, it has been shown that hypnobirthing can often reduce the need for any medical intervention, because of the preparation to ensure greater knowledge, release of fears and reliance on instinct. More and more midwives are seeing the benefits of hypnobirthing in labour, and becoming observers, rather than leading the process. See this article on how hypnobirthing can help with homebirthing, for more information. Alongside this, research has also shown that labours are often significantly shorter with hypnobirthing mothers. 

6. Assisting with breech babies
Even more specifically, a study by the University of Vermont, hypnobirthing techniques were used with breech babies to help turn them and decrease the rate of caesarean sections. The success rate was 81% (compared to around 50% ECV success rate in hospitals). 

7. Release fear
Fear and anxiety can consume pregnancy and birth. The stories of emergencies and operations, blood and gore...everyone loves a birth story. The births that just happen - the boring ones - aren't quite as prone to exaggeration. Hypnobirthing helps you to release the fear around birth. To reprogramme your subconscious with positive stories. To practice relaxations that allow you to acknowledge the fears and simply let them drift away. It's incredibly powerful stuff.

8. Trusting your instinct
There are so many experts. The internet has meant that, unfortunately, anyone can be an expert. But we are also forgetting that we are experts of ourselves. We have forgotten to trust our instincts. To an extent, we have forgotten what our instincts are, as we look to experts to tell us what's right and wrong. Hypnobirthing doesn't tell you how to give birth. It helps you to trust your instinct and provides you with tools to birth your child in the way that you see most fit. There is no right or wrong. There is only YOUR birth, and that will be different from everyone else. 

9.  The science makes sense
Hypnobirthing was made popular by a doctor: Dr Grantly Dick-Read in the 1940s. His beliefs were founded in science and his work with women in labour. He argued that if you are relaxed in your mind, your muscles will relax. If you are stressed, your muscles will tighten. It's a fact of life that we all know. Frowning forehead, clenched fists...these are typical signs of anger and frustration. In labour, if you are fearful, your uterus will tighten. If you are completely relaxed, the muscles needed for birth will soften and release, to enable them to work effectively, and your baby will most likely remain calm too.

10. Clarity for life
As I've written before, I have never been known for being particularly calm and collected. Since hypnobirthing, I have proven to myself the power of the mind, and the potential to bring this into other areas of my life, include the most challenging role of my life - as a mother. Hypnobirthing provides you with tools to ensure clarity and positivity in all areas of your life. And to ensure it all by yourself. 

If you are interested in finding out more or about the course I offer, feel free to get in touch: relaxingbirth@googlemail.com

*Classes can take place in the comfort of your own home

#Birth: Celebrating the birthing superwomen

When I asked my lovely mummy friends what they thought was missing from social media on pregnancy and birth, they agreed that there was very little on celebrating any birth that wasn't 'natural'.

I hate that term. It suggests that any other way of getting birth is not 'natural'. The reality is that growing and having a baby is natural. The end. 

Thankfully, we are in  a world where technology means that we can have safe births for all. No matter what happens before conception, no matter what happens before or during labour. It is still possible, in the vast majority of cases, to ensure a completely safe delivery. 

What winds me up though, is the massive amounts of negativity around birth. I talk a lot about guilt, and there seems to be so much guilt around the type of birth that people have. The way that some women feel as if their bodies didn't quite work the way they were supposed to, or the distress they felt during labour, or the regret that things could have been different, or the fear of what could go wrong. It's almost a bit embarrassing to say, 'yeah, it was a great day - I'm really proud of myself'. 

'A society that places a low value on mothers and the process of birth will suffer an array of negative repercussions for doing so' (Ina May Gaskin)

We all know that giving birth is not an easy task, no matter what path it takes. We will feel, what we describe as pain. And everyone will experience and react to that differently. Getting through that could be an epic achievement for some. And for some, the after effects could be a reminder of the power needed to get through such an immense experience. For some, the choices around pain relief will be invaluable. We have options as women to decide how to manage birthing and we should be proud of the decisions we make. For others, there are doctors who will assist in bringing our babies into the world, or even saving our bacon when the going gets seriously tough. How incredible that we can say that is possible!

And what amazing, powerful warrior women we are to get through such life changing experiences and bring forth little bundles of actual human life!

Now, hypnobirthing is often tightly associated with 'natural' births, but that is a complete misinterpretation of the term. Hypnobirthing is not about a pain-free labour. It is not about excluding any type of medical intervention at all costs. It is not about creating and sticking to a 'perfect' image of birthing that cannot be swayed from. We must remember that birth is often raw and primal. Birth can get incredibly messy and does not fit into a neat, tidy picture. It is not organised and there are no tick-lists that can be easily checked, no matter what plans we believe we have.

What hypnobirthing does teach is positivity. It teaches to accept the right birth on the right day for you. No matter how that birth occurs. No matter what path nature decides to take on that day. It teaches you to listen to your body and your baby, and respond accordingly. To go with the flow (even if it isn't your character - I am proof of that!) Not just during labour but in the weeks and months leading up to it. It teaches you to release all fear.

And that's the biggie. Release all fears. Why the hell do we have so much fear about something that should bring so much joy? Something that, no matter how it happens, should be celebrated. It is the most powerful, life-changing, life-affirming, epic thing we will ever do as women. 

So, let's stand up as a sisterhood, and be proud of our births! Screw the guilt and the anxiety and the disappointment. You deserve so much more for everything you went through and for the results you achieved. Instead of the horror stories, why don't we flood the conversations we have with our stories of pride, happiness, joy and strength, as we persevered and became the birthing superwomen we are

#Pregnancy: Promoting positive language

'Filled with lots of meaning, with everything I need. Spiritually healing, words that comfort' (Joan Armatrading)

How often, though, do words cut like a knife, instead of healing and comforting us? 

We can be so sensitive to words, and this is never more true during pregnancy and labour when we are in high defense mode, protecting our babies and ourselves from harm. Unfortunately, it's hard to set yourself up with a high filter all the time, and sometimes the most well-meant comment or phrase can dent your subconscious, and haunt you for weeks or months.

Protecting ourselves can start with the language we allow ourselves to hear and use in pregnancy and in preparation for labour: 

Negative birth stories
I've written before about the negative stories we constantly hear around birth. The horror stories of a friend of a friend, or so-and-so's aunty, or even your best friend who is desperate to tell you about the PAIN (we'll get back to that in another post). 
You  can start by avoiding these stories. Don't google them. Don't get into conversations about them. Just say 'can you tell me about this AFTER I've had my baby please?'. By then, you will have your own, more positive story to talk about.

Can and can't
Those last few weeks can be tough. I remember waddling around, with my thighs rubbing together, my lower back constantly hurting, feeling huge and sweaty. I had to make a conscious effort to say 'I can' every day. Going to work. Walking down the road. Getting off the sofa. Mindfully turning the negative into the positive is a vital part of your preparation for labour. Believe you can, and you will. 

Positive affirmations
These are SO powerful, if you can get past feeling a bit of a plonker listening to them and saying them yourself. There are literally thousands of hypnobirthing affirmations. Search 'hypnobirthing' on twitter, instagram or pinterest, and you'll find them. Tiny little nuggets of positivity to have as your phone wallpaper, to stick on post its around your bed, to print on A3, to listen to in the car or while you cook your dinner, to repeat and repeat and repeat until they fill the dents on your subconscious with sparkly diamonds of confidence. My all time favourite is 'all is calm, all is well, I am safe'. 

How else has language impacted you in pregnancy? 

Part 2 on language in labour coming soon


Affirmation image c/o: http://andrewmicahornoch.tumblr.com/post/114635391297/hypnobirthing-affirmation-8

#Birth: top ten homebirth must-haves

'You're having a homebirth?! Oh, you're one of THOSE women! Yeah okay, well maybe, just see how you go yeah?' 

Hum...well obviously I know you're NOT one of THOSE women...whatever the bloody hell that means! You're a woman who maybe wants to feel a bit of safety within their own environment. You want to have access to their own toilet. Their own fridge. Who maybe doesn't want to be in a clinical environment. Who wants the midwives to come to them. Who wants to walk in their own garden, sit on their own sofa, dim the lights a bit and having a bit of privacy. Yup, I'm with you. 

I also often heard 'oh, I could never do that, I'm such a control freak'. For me, this was exactly the reason I did it. I had to have control over my birthing environment and the way I did it. The thought of doctors getting involved in a brightly lit room with machines was not what I wanted, and I did everything I possibly could to try and avoid it. 

Fortunately, homebirths are becoming more socially accepted in the UK, with the NICE guidelines saying that for low-risk mothers with low-risk pregnancies, home births should be offered as a safe option, alongside the other birth settings.

Some of the statistics around home births can be viewed here, but deciding where to give birth is a very personal thing. The advantages and disadvantages vary amongst different people. For some, the comfort of a home birth might be a priority, whereas others might feel safer in a midwifery unit. For some higher risk pregnancies, the choice may not be as open. I am not here to influence you in any way. I'm guessing you might have made a decision already if you're reading this. 

If you have spent hours researching and watching lovely youtube videos, and have come to the conclusion that it's the right thing for you,  I thought I'd spare you a bit more time and give you my top ten list of absolute must-haves for a homebirth:

1. birthing pool
You will need to hire or buy one of these if you dream of a candlelit water birth. I had one but ended up giving birth on the lounge floor and the candles had long since gone out, but the five hours I was in water were (from what I remember) relatively comfortable and relaxing. My little cocoon. There are loads of hire companies - we used Barefoot Birth Pools and it was impeccably clean with full instructions and equipment. Amazing service.

2. towels/sheets/incontinence pads
'The carpets!!!!!' was was of the things I hollered during the last few contractions. The midwives had to keep assuring me that the carpets were fully protected. By that evening, you wouldn't have known there had been a birth there (except for the wrinkled little munchkin sleeping peacefully in her moses basket - oh how we should have slept then!). We had bought a few cheap towels from Primark, but it was the incontinence pads that covered most of the floor. There is more mess than you think. Buy lots. And then buy disposable incontinence pants for afterwards too.

3. birthing ball
This was immensely helpful to sit on in the last few months, when getting off the sofa required a forklift truck. Sitting on the ball also helped to ride out the early contractions. It's last use for me was as a prop to lean over as I pushed for dear life. You can grab one from Amazon or eBay for about a tenner. 

4. affirmations on repeat
I don't know why I felt so silly repeating these when I first started to, but throughout the last four months of pregnancy, I listened to and repeated these every day. My faves were 'my surges cannot be stronger than me because they are me' and 'All is calm, all is well, I am safe' from The Calm Birth School. For the first seven hours of labour, they were on repeat. They were ingrained on my soul by the end and there were a couple that I held on to right until the moment she was born. Other people use one or two and have them on A3 paper around the room, or an image of a happy place to focus on.

5. drinks and snacks
Get the cupboards stocked like you're preparing for a blizzard! Not just for the birth but for afterwards too. And don't forget about the dedicated midwives, who would not dare ask for anything, but might be there (looking after you alone) for hours and hours. A bit of toast might be nice at the end (or you could get one of them to get a load ready and scoff the lot yourself like I did..). Personal recommendations: lucozade (although not so much that your wee turns to glucose), fruity water, flapjacks, bananas, chocolate. And straws! So you can sip and not awkwardly slurp. 

6. charged phone/camera
The last thing you or your birth partner will be thinking about is how much charge you have left on your phone. Being in your own house, you might not even have it to hand or in a pocket. But you might regret it if you don't have any photos of those early moments. 

7. aromatherapy
'Get the clary sage!! Get the clary sage!'* was another one of my hollers. God knows how I got thinking about that mid-contraction. And I couldn't tell you what it smelled like. Maybe it worked, maybe it didn't. But I knew I wanted it! The lavender worked a treat in the early hours to chill me out and it was familiar because I'd been using it in  the previous weeks. For me, it added a bit of comfort and security. There are some great websites that detail the uses of essential oils, including this one  

8. dimmed lights/candles
The amount of times I've heard that this one is a load of bollocks, and who cares what the lighting is like when you're feeling like that, but this one was a massive deal for me. I knew the lights needed to be dimmed. I needed to feel safe and cosy, like on a winters' night with a log fire and my fluffy slippers. At one point I remember completely focusing on the flickering candle. I'm  convinced this helped bring my oxytocin levels up. 

9. hired TENS machine
The midwifes will probably only have access to one canister of gas and air. You might need that to last. The longer you can go without it, the better. For me, the TENS machine wasn't great. But it gave me a distraction for half an hour. I've heard people swear by it though, so for £15 or so to hire, it's well worth a go (you can often hire alongside the pool). 

10. your hypnobirthing techniques
The one thing on the list that should be very easily accessible. I could not have had my homebirth without hypnobirthing. 100%, no doubt about it. Everyone uses the techniques differently, but for me, the weeks before were shaped by the fear release scripts I repeated; the early hours of labour were cushioned by the visualisations I had practiced; and the latter stage was led by the breathing I had learnt. Plus,  I was able to remain completely calm, confident and content. 

With all this in mind, the main thing you need for any birth is YOU. All of this might increase levels of oxytocin (the main hormone that facilitates physiological birth), but no matter what happens, you can do this, all by yourself. 


*n.b. there are some oils, such as clary sage, that should not be used during pregnancy so take care.

#Pregnancy: releasing the anxiety

During the last month of pregnancy, my husband commented that he had never known me so chilled in the ten years he had known me. 

I am not one of those chilled horizontal types.

In fact, I have been referred to as 'safety Katie' because of how careful I am; how aware of danger. Like walking on a small wall danger. I am the epitome of risk society. I consider most things I do against the risks involved. I exaggerate the risks. I'm trying really hard not to let this slip into my parenting too. And so far, through a lot of work on mindfulness and relaxation, I'm slowly getting to a much calmer state. Slowly slowly. 

But during late pregnancy, and during birth, I was one cool cat. Why? 

Well, it goes back to the mindfulness thing. And a lot of dedication to hypnobirthing. 

But, when I found out I was pregnant, my first reaction was not excitement or glee. Despite it being planned, I responded to the very faint line in my hand with tears and hyperventilation, repeating 'I can't do it, I can't do it'. To which my husband just laughed, hugged me and whispered 'of COURSE you can'. And, although I hate to admit it, of course he was right. 

And for the first few months, I was terrified. Terrified about the first scan. And the second. Terrified about what I should and shouldn't eat or do or say. Terrified that any minute, something would go wrong. 

Fast forward to 25 weeks and I stumbled across hypnobirthing. I knew that I had to get my head into gear. I had to start preparing for the biggest event of my life. 

And from that moment on, everything changed. Every day, I practiced a little more relaxation. Every day, I listened to my affirmations in the car. Every day, I focused on my baby and me and the birth journey I hoped for. No matter who you are, whatever your disposition, I truly honestly believe that hypnobirthing works if you want it to. You can have a positive birth. The right birth, on the right day, for you. 

I wish I had known what I know now, that a calm birth is possible and that relaxing parenting is something you can work towards. And that there is no point worrying about the things you can do nothing about. You can only control your responses. 

In those early weeks of pregnancy, I would do certain things differently. Here are the five things I promise to do next time round (please God) in those first few scary Mary months: 

1. Create affirmations for early/mid pregnancy

I felt like a wally the first few times I played and repeated the hypnobirthing affirmations from Suzy Ashworth. But, the more I repeated them, the more I truly believed in them. There is so much power in words. My affirmations in early pregnancy will focus on safety, calmness and resilience.... 'I enjoy the first few weeks with my baby'... 'I ease myself into pregnancy'... 'I prepare my body and mind for the months ahead'... 'I am healthy and strong'.

2. Take time every day for me
Towards the end of pregnancy, I had baths every day with lovely Neal's Yard bath oil. My husband massaged my feet. I went for long walks to try and loosen up my pelvis. I meditated and listened to relaxation MP3s in preparation for the birth. Although I might not have as much time the next time round, I vow to take more time for me in the early days too, because a little baby home needs as much attention and care as a real house.

3. Welcome my feelings and emotions as visitors
One of the things I have been trying to work on is the Buddhist concept of impermanence. Acknowledging that all the feelings and emotions we have are only temporary, and we do not need to hold on to them, because they will soon pass. The longer we hold on to them, the more ingrained they will become on our subconscious. Like the scary birth stories you hear that become part of your beliefs about birth. I will let the emotions arise, acknowledge them and try to let go of them. I have even heard of someone literally welcoming them - 'hello anger!', 'hi there restlessness'. Our feelings are visitors and they will soon leave us in peace, as long as we don't entertain them too long!

4. Take earlier maternity leave
For me, I felt like I was working right to the bitter end. I was physically exhausted, I felt heavy and sweaty and uncomfortable. My job as a teacher didn't get the best of me in those last few months. I sat down to teach lessons and my mind was often elsewhere. If I feel like that again, I will give myself (and everyone else) a break and not try and be some sort of martyr. I promise to know my limits. 

5. Do yoga
Before I learnt about hypnobirthing, this whole world of mindful practice seemed a bit strange and new age-y to me. But the hype is true! Mind and body are interlinked - they are not separate entities. A happy body will fuel a happy mind and vice versa. I still need to make an real effort to practice yoga, but the benefits can be felt immediately. Focus, relaxation, patience, clarity...it develops all of these. And to be able to stretch ligaments and muscles before labour can only be a good thing (see point 4!).

For some people, relaxation is easy. For a lot of us, it is hard to switch off from google and the chatter about what could go wrong and what symptoms might mean. It's hard to trust your instinct and, instead, become consumed with fear and anxiety. It's easy to worry and worry about the risks and dangers. And, of course, it's very natural to. But, is it worth the worry? Will it change anything? Next time, I vow to do all of the above to help me in those early days and have a relaxing hypno-pregnancy :)