I have to push out a melon baby?!

Oh god, this is amazing!! Yay, I wanted this baby so much.......................oh god, the baby has to come out of my fufu. I have to push out a melon baby?! I mean a baby the size of a melon?! Oh shitballs, it's going to hurt. It's going to hurt so much!!! And who was it who said about all the hours of pushing and breaking her husband's hand and then having a c section anyway. Right, think I'll just opt for the c section. Why can't I just do that? Easier surely? But it's big surgery! I don't want a scar. I don't want to be stuck in bed. And I bloody hate hospitals. Always have. They make me feel a bit sick. All smelly and echoey and all those other people. Not that I'm anti social or anything....And the drugs. I don't want to be on drugs!!!!! I'd be crap on drugs. Any medication just makes me feel loopy. Caffeine makes me lose my shiz. Can I drink gin during labour?!?! That might work. But not the drugs. I need control!  I'm even scared of being sick because I'm not in control! And blood tests and injections. I need to know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm doing. I have no idea what is going to happen!! Oh god, what is happening to me? What do I do?? What is going to happen to me?!?! Oh shitty shit shit shit shit.

This was my thought process when I saw those two lovely little lines on the pregnancy test. 

I was pooing my pants and crying hysterically. 

So I wanted to find something that could make a difference. And I was happy to try anything - no matter how alternative.

So trying Hypnobirthing it was to be. 'One of Katie's weirdy beardy ideas again, it won't last' - was what I knew my husband was thinking. But, even with my 'give anything a go' attitude, I still found it a bit...um...hippy!

I didn't get the affirmations. They were a bit self-involved and Oprah Winfrey. The breathing was...well, it was just breathing! It felt nice but, we all know how to breathe! Was this it?? The visualisations were hard to wrap my head round. And my husband and I used to fall asleep to this mellow voice on the MP3s telling us to 'relaaaaax' and we'd just crack up, sniggering like little kids. The classes were okay but I wasn't convinced. And my husband found it all super cringey. 

The only reason we kept doing it was because the logic behind it made so much sense.

Fear = adrenaline = tense muscles = pain.

Calm = oxytocin & endorphins = relaxed muscles = manageable sensations.

And I was gradually becoming more and more relaxed. Like never ever before. From highly strung to cool as a mofo cucumber. And we learnt waaaay more than at the other antenatal class, which made us feel like proper little smug gits. Yep, we were THAT couple. Beyond annoying. 

But we just went with it. Really had a go. Powered through the crazy stuff and just got on with it. And then it stopped feeling weird, and started feeling normal. When I found the Hypnobirthing Book in hubbie's toilet reading collection, I knew we might be on to something. All of a sudden, we were on a mission. 

And then...as if it couldn't get more out there, we booked a homebirth. I know. What the hell?! We hardly told anyone. Even the responses to hypnobirthing had been a bit smug 'oh yeah ok, good luck with that...' *wink at spouse that said 'they have no frikkin idea'*. 

So we kept the homebirth to ourselves. But we cracked on with what we thought, after many hours of deliberation, was the best thing for us.  I wanted safety, comfort and privacy. I wanted oxytocin by the bucketload.

And we did it. 

And it was blimmin magical! I have never felt so proud of myself, so in awe of what my body can do without any involvement from white coats or the Miss Trunchball midwives I imagined (our midwives were super lovely btw). 
I felt so informed about my choices, so happy that my husband could support me and have a clear, useful role to play, so free of fear and self doubt, and so unbelievably STRONG. Like warrior fucking goddess strong! 

And 10 sleepy hours after birth, I turned to my in-laws and said 'I could do it again tomorrow!'. I know, seriously annoying! 

But, this is NOT JUST ME! I emphasise that because one story can make a difference but it is also just one story.
You can google it, you can look around and ask others about hypnobirthing, or you could trust me when I say, I've seen it for many many others. Women who had previous traumatic births. Women who believed it wasn't possible. Women who looked at birth with pure fear. Birth partners who were so nervous that they just went into panic mode and flapped around aimlessly for the first trimester. 

And it changed their entire experience. 

Released fear, built confidence, enabled informed decisions to be made and made birth what it should be, no matter what....BEYOND WORDS INCREDIBLE.

But you have to work a bit. Eek! 

You have to be ready to give over 15 minutes a day to just focus on you and your baby. Ok, sounding better? 

There is a bit of investment involved too, depending on how you want to do it - listen to your favourite band on a CD version (buy the MP3s and listen at home) or go to the concert version (group sesh with dedicated teacher) - that kind of thing. But really, for about a third of the cost of a pram...

And, my oh my, if you do it. If you just go for it. And believe. Really believe. And trust yourself. It is so possible. 

Don't settle for less than beyond words incredible. Feel like a warrior goddess!! Go on, I dare you: www.birthstory.co.uk. Join the women feeling like birthing superstars 👍🌟💪

#Birth: Teaching the hypnobirthing

I 

Having completed an incredible hypnobirthing teaching diploma with hypnobirthing Yoda, Katharine Graves, Birth Story Hypnobirthing is now up and running.

To say I learnt a lot on the teacher training is an understatement. In just the same way that hypnobirthing gave me the tools and mindset to guide me calmly and peacefully through birth, this training has had a similar effect. It has been a game changer.

I know this is going to change things, but I'm not entirely sure how yet and I'm not entirely sure it's going to happen straight away. But I really feel like this is the start of something a little bit special. I can't wait to enable other women to give birth calmly and with confidence.

So, why am I here? Why do I feel so strongly that teaching hypnobirthing to other women and their birth partners is such an important thing to do?

1. It's a little bit revolutionary

I was so chuffed to discover that out of the 25 or so attendees on the teacher training course, around 18-19 were midwives, and a large number of those were student midwives. 
Now, we are privileged to have an amazingly strong midwifery community in this country, and to be leading the way in so many areas of research. To see that number of attendees validates the power of the course. It validates my belief that hypnobirthing really has something to offer. More than that, it has the potential to be revolutionary in the way we view and react to birth. 

2. It worked for me and people I know
I have no background in meditation or yoga. The thought of spending time to purely relax sounded boring. The first time I sat down to focus on the birth I wanted, I couldn't stop the cynic in the back of my mind. But, over time, it started to make sense. And it completely paid off. I had a wonderfully empowering and relaxing birth, just like the many I had seen on youtube. There are so many positive birth stories I've come across since. Maybe a little bit boring; not a lot of drama or blue flashing lights, but undoubtedly positive.
I truly believe that if I can do it, so can every other woman.

3. It is easy

That's not something you hear very often when it comes to birth!! BUT it requires some regular effort. It is easy in that it is simple to practice and train yourself. All it requires is a little bit of time and the ability to close your eyes, listen and breathe. There are also a range of small things that can be done before and during the birth to make a huge difference. But the preparation is key. Just a little bit a day. 10-15 minutes. But it is vital. And such a good opportunity to give you and your birth partner some time out.

4. It gives you skills for life
Every time I feel stressed, I know that if I practice my 'up' breathing, I will feel so much better. Every time I need to block out the world, I can turn down a dial to completely zone myself out. Every time I struggle to fall asleep, I listen to a relaxation script, and before I know it...zzzzz. Hypnobirthing skills are not just for birth, they are for life. As you enter the crazy world of parenthood (or if you're there already), you will have the tools to help you manage every step of the way.

5. It makes you feel so good
Oxytocin. The love hormone. The hormone that facilitates birth. It makes you feel good. Everything in hypnobirthing is designed to encourage the production of oxytocin and make you feel amazing. Relaxations, lovely smells, light massage by your partner, being told how strong and wonderful you are. Every session is like a lovely trip to the soul spa. You should come out feeling radiant and confident. 

6.  It gives birth partners a key role
I've written about this before, but for many, watching their loved one give birth can be scary. Their instinct is saying 'protect' but they don't know what to do, where to stand, what to say. They might feel completely dis-empowered, helpless. My hypnobirthing course gives birth partners a clear role to play, in the lead up to, and during labour. No more flapping!

7. It gives you the knowledge
One of the most significant parts of KG Hypnobirthing is the knowledge you will gain about the physiology of birth, the protocols and procedures, and your rights. No more 'they can do what they want to me' or 'I'm not allowed to do that'. This is about you and your baby. You make the decisions. You can have the birth you want to. No more fear! You will feel empowered to work together your baby and your care providers, and calmly handle whatever nature throws your way. Because you, my dear, are a birthing goddess. Yes you are. 

8. It is for everyone
Hypnobirthing is not prescriptive about HOW you give birth. All I want is for you to have a birth experience that is as relaxing and empowering as it can be. That you can go into birth with knowledge and power, and with the confidence to make decisions that are right for you and your baby. C-sections, VBACs, vaginal births, water births, assisted, non-assisted, hospital, home, MLU, first child, tenth child...nobody is exempt from experiencing a positive birth. Whatever you decide is right, is right. Hypnobirthing can help with all of these scenarios. Trust me, it's a game-changer.    If you want to find out more about what I can offer you, please visit the Birth Story website: www.birthstory.co.uk or email me: relaxingbirth@googlemail.com

#Birth: Perceptions of my homebirth

Never in a million years did I think I would give birth at home. But when I became pregnant, something changed and suddenly, the thought of being in a hospital, when I had never been in one before, seemed absurd. And when I discovered hypnobirthing...well that was game over for hospital birthing if I could help it. 

But I told very few people what I intended. One - because I didn't want to announce my plans and then it all change and everyone say 'I told you so'. Two - because I didn't want to hear what I heard after the birth, which was some very strange assumptions about home births...

1. It's all candles and incense
I did have candles and low lighting. I did have aromatherapy oil burning. I believe that both helped raise my levels of oxytocin and kept me calm as my contractions intensified. But, it is not all about the romantic ideal of birth. There was no 'oops there she is' as she arrived. It was powerful and primal and raw. And I had a catheter on my sofa. But, I felt completely safe because I was in my little sanctuary.

2. I'm a hippy
Label me as you want, but I wouldn't class myself as a hippy in the slightest. I have a friend who lives by the sea and does yoga everyday and saves water and uses reusable nappies. I really wish I was that good. I wasn't going for an 'alternative' birth. I just wanted to feel as comfortable and as empowered as I possibly could.

3. I am endangering my baby
In the UK, home births are just as safe as hospital births. This is mainly because we have an NHS that provides fully-trained and highly competent midwifes to be with us, if we wish to be at home to birth. The same (if not better) care if provided at home with two dedicated midwives present at all times. Plus, I felt comfortable for the whole process. My fear was to end up in a car, car park or hospital entrance, and for the adrenaline to kick in so I seized up. There is evidence to suggest that intervention rates are higher in hospitals. For me, that was something I wanted to avoid if I could. 

4. I was unprepared for emergencies
The midwives were there, focused entirely on me. Routine examinations were carried out with my consent. They brought all necessary equipment with them in case of emergencies, and were able to call an ambulance at any sign of concern. Thankfully, there was no need for either, but in the vast majority of cases (whether at home or hospital), that is the norm.

5. It's not clean
This is a bizarre one. I can't work out if people are referring to the state of my house, or the mess they envisage from a home birth. My house is very clean, thank you very much. As is my body which was the residence of my baby for nine months, I like to think of my house as an extension of that - my microbiome. If we're talking about the mess caused, it was minimal but we did need towels and sheets down, and there was a bit of tidying up afterwards. But, the midwives took most of the chaos away with them. And despite my concenrs about the carpet, there was no damage caused. 

6. I think my birth is more 'natural' than a hospital birth
See previous post. Yes, I felt positive about my birth, but so I should, and so should millions of other women. That doesn't mean I have ever compared it to anyone else's because no two births will ever be the same. From the length of labour, to the order of events, to the location, to the methods of coping...It doesn't matter how it happens as long as YOU did the right thing for you. 

7. I would have done whatever I can to NOT go to hospital
As with no.4, I am not naive. But I liked to think I had worked really hard on being in tune with my body and my baby. I used my instinct, like any mammal would to protect their baby. Plus, I had complete trust in the midwives who helped me. I know that if it had been necessary, I would have done anything. I would have made informed decisions, because of the hypnobirthing I had done.

8. I am just freeing up a hospital bed
There are some cynics I have read who think that homebirths are dangerous and the NHS is simply encouraging women to stay at home to allow more space in hospitals. Two issues I have with that. Firstly, if a woman needs a bed, they have access to it no matter what. There is nobody encouraging women to stay at home against their will. I didn't need a bed, so I was more than happy to let someone else have it. 
Secondly, the NICE recommendations have solid research behind them. This is not a money-saving exercise, it is about choice. Thankfully, we live in a country that has excellent antenatal and postnatal care (compared to some countries) and we are able to make choices about where to give birth, because we have access to everything we need, whether that be at home or hospital.

9. It's old-fashioned
300 years ago, women all gave birth at home. Then, medical advancements meant it was deemed safer for doctors to be involved. Now, we are at a point where midwives are medically trained, and doctors aren't always required, but they often still are. There are no doctors at home. That doesn't mean it's an old-fashioned way of doing things. It just means that we are now so developed as a society that we can have the option to safely birth at home with all the support we need. 

10. I was naive to think I wouldn't need any pain relief
First off, pain is totally subjective, so again, comparisons to another woman's birth experience are impossible. Some women, especially hypnobirthing mums, will not feel pain. So let's work on that premise. Secondly, I believe that my 'pain' relief was the oxytocin that was streaming through my body and the complete relaxation I felt. I wasn't fighting against the feelings, I was going with them. It was easier, and possibly, less 'painful' than if I'd been doing it any other way. There was gas and air available, but knowing that there was a limited amount meant that I had to get on with it. I knew that if I was going to do it, I wanted to go as far as I could without drugs. I wanted control.


This is not a post to try and persuade anyone that home births are any better than any other birth. Far from it. Everyone does what is right for them. It doesn't make their choice better or worse. No two births are the same. It is just to give an insight into the assumptions I heard and my reactions. 

If you are reading this, you might be considering a home birth. If you are, do what is right for YOU. Instinctively and without fear. And not because you think you SHOULD do something. Or because someone else says it's the right thing to do. What is fundamentally important, is to aim to feel empowered and positive about the choices you make, and hopefully, this will then continue into parenthood. Don't accept anything less.